


A Break

by shamebucket



Series: Trans Seiji AU [3]
Category: Room No. 9 (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Developing Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Hand Jobs, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Impregnation Kink (no actual impregnation happens), M/M, Makeup Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Plans For The Future, Porn With Plot, Referenced Porn Addiction, Safer Sex, Smoking, Trans Character, Vaginal Fingering, mediocre sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-24 02:13:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17695670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shamebucket/pseuds/shamebucket
Summary: Takes place a few hours after the epilogue of "Not Like This, and Not Today" (ao3 users only fic).Seiji shows up at Daichi's apartment. It's as messy as you would expect.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For those who didn't read the direct prequel to this for whatever reason (and I'm very sorry but I believe it will always be a members only fic), be warned that Daichi uses language in his head for Seiji's genitals that would cause Seiji (and possibly readers') dysphoria (Seiji doesn't refer to his genitals with anything beyond vague words like "there"). That said, Daichi is vaguely aware of this and doesn't refer to Seiji's genitals in any way out loud, so Seiji is never triggered. All the sex is entirely consensual. They both get mental hang-ups near the middle, but they're able to get back going again. 
> 
> This also references the abortion that happened in the direct prequel but only that it happened and not the particulars.

I fall down face first on my futon and groan. Ugh. The train took forever. I'm still fully dressed and need a shower, but my bed was calling to me. It's soft and warm, molded to my shape. I nuzzle into the pillow and sigh, trying to push aside the feelings and thoughts that always rush to my head when I'm alone. Jacking it to porn until my dick is sore helps sometimes, but it only empties my head until I come, and then I'm back where I'm started. I like sleeping, because that means I don't have to think about it. I had no idea that grief would make me so tired, although I guess I would have ended up with sleepless nights either way it ended...

To my surprise, my phone goes off. A RHINE notification? I pull my phone out of my pocket, heart hammering. 

>Are you working? 

It's Seiji. My head is swimming. I feel a combination of joy, betrayal, and confusion, all swirling into a murky mixture that I'm having issues making sense of. Why did he decide to contact me now, tonight? Why did he just ask me if I was at work instead of how I am? Why has he kept me in the dark for three weeks without so much as an "I hope you're well"? Although I guess I didn't text him either. 

>Nah, just got home. What's up?

Maybe I should act like nothing happened. That seems to be what he's doing. 

>I'm on my way over. Don't worry about any mess you might have. I want to see you.

Despite everything, I want to see him too. I clutch my heart and sigh, trying to focus myself. In that time, he's sent me another message.

>Don't worry about entertaining me, either. I've eaten and there's plenty to say and do. 

I try to not read too much into that, although it's hard not to. It's pretty late, almost 11 pm, so...

>Sure thing, buddy! I was about to hop in the shower so I'll leave the door unlocked for you. 

Trying to not feel too anxious, I plug my phone into its charger and leave it on the nightstand, muting it so I don't have to overthink it.

~*~

There's a knock on the door as I pull on a fresh T-shirt for bed. "Come in, door's open," I call.

The handle turns. For a second, that's all I can focus on, even though I'm halfway through putting on my socks. The door opens to Seiji, standing pristine in the hallway. He looks better than I do. He bows his head respectfully as he takes off his shoes and closes the door behind him. "Sorry for intruding so late."

"Nah~ don't worry about it. I'm just happy to see you." 

His smile is warm and genuine. "Mm." He takes off his scarf and jacket. I gulp. Underneath his jacket, he's wearing a thin navy turtleneck that doesn't hide any of the musculature of his torso. Should I have picked something sexier to wear? I didn't want to be presumptuous. 

We stare at each other for a minute, both of us slightly uncomfortable. "I - " we both start at once, and both stop as soon as we realize the other person is talking. He leans against the door and gestures for me to go first. "I missed you," I tell him honestly. 

He bites his lip and frowns. "I missed you too. I'm sorry." 

"I can't be angry at you when you're right in front of me like this." 

Seiji looks off to the side, trying to minimize his discomfort. "I thought you may have needed some space."

I shrug. "Maybe I did. It doesn't matter now, if you're here."

He half-smiles at me, meeting my gaze. "I'm here." He clears his throat. "I can prove it to you, if you come close." 

Hesitantly, I walk over to him. Seiji's pupils are dilated, and he smells like tobacco. A part of me feels a little disappointed that he started smoking again, but I can't say that I blame him after all the shit we've been through. I put my hand on his cheek, and he leans into it. "Hmm. Looks like you _are_ here and I'm not going crazy. That's good!"

He chuckles under his breath. "I did miss you. So much." His warm, strong arms pull me into a hug, one that is different than the hugs we shared before the summer. It is body-to-body, his chin resting on my shoulder, not a hug that friends share. I hug him back and squeeze him tight, making him squeak in my ear. He feels so good and sturdy and strong, and it feels like he's gained all the weight he lost back... it's a bittersweet feeling, but I'm glad that he's doing well after everything that happened. 

Satiated, I start to pull away, but Seiji hugs onto me tighter. I pat his back. "It's okay, Seiji. I'm here too." 

"Mmm." 

He loosens his grip and looks me in the eye, blinking slowly. Unlike before, I don't hesitate. We meet each other halfway, our kiss brief and chaste but - I feel something like static electricity snapping in the back of my head and along my nervous system. I want more, of this and other things. I think Seiji does, too. Eyes still closed, eyebrows knitted, I stroke the back of Seiji's head. He's rubbing my back. His forehead is pressed against mine. "I want to do that again."

"Then do it." 

The kiss is all me this time, pushing him against the door and clutching onto the front of his turtleneck. He gasps, opening his mouth, and I slide my tongue against his. He tastes like cigarettes, but in a way that doesn't repulse me. It tastes like Seiji. Groaning as he returns my kiss, he grabs onto my ass and pushes me against him, hooking one of his legs around mine to give me better access. Ahh, fuck. I wonder if I'm so sexually responsive to him because of all the trauma we've been through together or if I'm actually, really, stupidly in love with him, despite everything. Maybe a mixture of both. 

Man, I wish I had slept at all the past few weeks. I look like a raccoon with the dark circles. Maybe Seiji feels the same way about me if he's willing to do this with a guy who looks as haggard as I do. All the same, I feel so startlingly _alive_ right now. I don't know if seeing Seiji is going to solve all my problems (I'm guessing not), but it feels so good to touch him, to hold him, to taste him. My dick twitches in my sweatpants as I start to roll my hips against Seiji's, and he spreads his legs wider, arching against me. He slides down the door. Slightly shaky, he grabs onto me, and I brace myself against the door to stop us both from falling, breaking our kiss in the process. We're still connected by a trail of saliva. "Bed?" I ask. 

"Mnn... condom?" Seiji asks, catching his breath as he stands up straighter. 

I blink, heat rising to my face, separating from him. That's unambiguous. (As if grinding against his pussy was ambiguous! Come on, Daichi.) "Um, yeah, for sure." I walk over to my dresser and grab a handful of condoms with a bottle of lube from the bottom of my sock drawer as Seiji pulls off his pants. Better safe than sorry. Hastily, I peel off my sweats, too. He sits cross-legged on the futon as I sit on my knees next to him, placing the tools I need in reach but out of the way of current activities. There's a telltale wet spot in his cotton boxer-briefs... "Gah," I mutter quietly. 

"We don't have to if you don't want to," Seiji says gently, stroking my arm. 

I look up from his groin into his eyes. "I want to, really bad. That's the problem."

He snorts. "Funny problem." He tugs at my arm and pulls me in closer, but not to the point where we're kissing yet. 

"Can I touch?" 

"Mhm," Seiji mumbles as he kisses me, one hand on my hip and the other bringing my hand to his crotch. I swallow thickly and kiss back, cupping his mons. He whimpers in his throat as I rub my thumb against his clit, half hard and thickening with blood through the fabric. 

Feeling more confident, I trace his swollen lips with my fingers. Man, he must be really horny. "Take it off," I whisper against his lips. "Promise I won't touch my dick until I'm done touching you." Without a word, Seiji peels off his underwear and, for good measure, pulls mine down, too. I kick off my boxers and settle in to kissing him again, licking his lower lip as I spread his folds and trace his hole with my middle finger, dipping in a few times for good measure. He's really, really wet... 

"Daichi," he breathes, and takes my half-hard dick in his hand. I grunt as he wraps around me, slowly moving his fist up and down with a slight twisting motion. 

I kiss him and nuzzle him. "Seiji..." He clutches around me as I slide in my first finger, all the way to the second knuckle. There isn't a lot of resistance, because he's wet as hell for me, but the pressure he puts on my finger combined with the way he's jerking me off is exquisite. "Fuck." By the time I push in a second finger, I'm already mostly hard. I rub the palm of my hand against his aching clit and he moans, his lips desperately searching for mine. We kiss again. I lick the roof of his mouth as I start fingering him. 

"Mmf!" He tugs me closer, my dick startlingly close to his inner thigh, as I catch onto his g-spot. 

I smile, pulling away from our kiss to kiss his cheek as I slide in a third finger. It's tight, but it's not hard to do. "Feeling good?" I croon, pressing my lips on the patch of skin between his ear and where his turtleneck starts. 

"Y-yes..." He grips onto the base of my dick and starts pumping. Both of us are making really wet and sloppy noises. "I don't... feel as full as I could, however."

"Hmm?" I pull out my fingers and rub his clit with his juices. 

Seiji whines. "Please don't. I feel so empty now."

"Need to be empty if you want me to fill you." I lick my fingers clean, since (for better or worse) we're fluid-bonded anyway and he tastes good. (His taste is about the same as it was in the hotel.) He shivers. "That's what you want, right?" 

He lets go of my fully hard, condom-ready dick. "...Yes." 

"Kay then. You can pick the position." I grab a condom, tear the wrapper, and roll it down my dick, making sure to leave some room at the tip. As I'm doing that, Seiji shuffles onto his hands and knees, ass in the air as he hugs my pillow. We've never had sex this way. It's both cute and extremely sexy, putting everything on display for me. I get behind him and line up, placing my dick between his pussy lips. Hmm, doesn't feel wet enough with the condom. I grab the lube bottle and squirt some lube both on Seiji's pussy and on my dick. We shouldn't have problems now. 

"Cold..." 

"I'll warm you up, don't worry," I reassure him as I frot between his lips. 

At first, I move down, making sure that I rub my dick against Seiji's hard clit, and he whines and arches back against me. "Inside," he begs. 

"Hahh..." I pant, and, after a few unsuccessful thrusts, I groan as I sink inside him. He thumps his fist against the bed and moans as I push in, stretching him all the way to his womb. He feels so tight, but not the painful-tight of lack of arousal. His body is matching mine. Things are less vivid with a condom on, but a part of me is glad because there's a non-zero chance I would have already come and risked another pregnancy with him had I not been wearing one. My mind wanders to painful memories at that last thought. Ah, great. I'm thinking about that even now. Don't I think about it enough? My dick wilts, but not enough to put the integrity of the condom in question. 

Seiji notices. "Is something wrong?" he gasps from underneath me. 

I shake my head and nuzzle Seiji's back. The fabric is enhancing his scent. The bittersweet smell of tobacco mixes with the fresh and slightly floral scent of his cologne and a distinct, clear odor that is unique to Seiji. "Had a bad thought for a sec. You smell really good." He huffs in embarrassment. "Don't feel ashamed. I like you this way." I move one of my hands from Seiji's side and slide it down between his legs, starting to rub his clit as I press in as deep as I can. Seiji grunts and squeezes around me. I close my eyes. Yeah, that's what I needed. 

"Do I really smell?" His voice does not sound horny at all. 

Guess we should take a breather. I was about to start moving, but I pull out and sit back on my knees. Seiji groans and rolls over. "You don't smell, like, bad." 

He frowns. His face lacks the typical sex-flush he has when we're fucking. "But I do smell." 

"You smell like cologne and cigs and you! None of those things smell bad to me!" I nuzzle his neck and kiss his shoulder through his turtleneck. "It's sexy." His body is starting to get warm again. Seiji stirs, and I put my hand over his mons, gently rubbing my thumb in circles through his soft pubic hair. "You're really turning me on. I wanna keep going if you do." 

He pets my head and sighs. "All right. So would I, but don't comment on how I smell during sex. Ever." 

"Yes sir. Same position?" I give my dick a few jerks so I don't lose my boner entirely. He nods, his chin lightly bumping against the top of my head, and I peel off of him so he can roll back over. 

I put some more lube on my dick for good measure and line up behind him again, clutching onto his hips. Maybe I'll do something different this time... I hear him gasp as I press the tip of my head in, slowly, and just past the flared ridge. He makes a small confused noise and then whines as I carefully and shallowly pull in and out, teasing his opening. "Mmmm..." he whimpers. I chuckle and lean down, kissing his back, and lengthen my thrusts, pushing deeper inside of him each time I thrust in. The back of his ears are pink again. "Ahhh...!" 

That's a good sign. I grasp onto his sides for more purchase and roll my hips as I bottom out inside of him. "Nnn," I grunt. Seiji is really something else - as soon as I'm balls deep inside of him, he squeezes along my entire length. It just feels so _good_ inside of him, like our shapes have been molded together. As bad as it might be, it turns me on knowing that I'm the only dick he's ever had. He's known pleasure before, but never like this with anyone but me. "Feels good, Seiji," I moan as I start fucking him again. The wet sound of our bodies meeting echoes in my ears. 

This feels good, but it can feel even better. Carefully, not stopping my movements, I lean down over Seiji's back until my chest is flush with him. He trembles at the contact. "A-ahh!" Seiji gasps as I slide one of my hands up his shirt. "Cold..."

"Better warm me up," I whisper into his ear, and he groans as I trace my fingers along his abs and up to his pecs. "Your skin is so hot." 

"Mmnnn!" He bites into the pillow and moans as I reach his nipple, pinching and rubbing it between my fingers. My dick pops out of him when he squeezes down on me as I pull out, so I grunt and kiss his shoulder as I use my other hand to line up and push back in. "Daichi!" He moans as I start fucking him hard, thrusting deep and fast, tweaking his nipple and moving my other hand to his stiff, neglected clit. "H-harder, getting close," he manages. I nibble his ear and obey his command, his body putty in my hands as I wreck him. His cries are getting incoherent. I squeeze the base of his clit between my thumb and fingers and jerk him off, rubbing his clitoral hood against the head. "You're inside... me...!" he whimpers, almost sobbing, as he comes hard, his clit twitching in my fingers and his pussy contracting rhythmically around me. 

I choke out a gasp at how good it feels, stopping my movement as his orgasm ripples through him. His legs can't stop shaking even after he rides it out. "Can I keep going?" I ask, stroking his chest and stomach before returning my hands to his hips and straightening myself out. 

"Yeah," he says shakily, spent and satisfied. 

I don't think I need too long - his orgasm started building pressure in my lower abdomen. Closing my eyes, I thrust hard, his tiny mewls of residual pleasure only encouraging me to press in deeper. I grit my teeth and focus on every fold that I unfurl inside him. "Seiji, Seiji," I whisper. It's about ready to burst. In a strange flash in my head, one that I didn't want but comes there anyway, I imagine filling his pussy with my cum, seeing his satiated, lazy smile as he rolls over and rubs his stomach. My dick is diamonds at the thought. "Nnngh!" It's almost too late as I pull out and come outside of him, filling the condom with my seed. It didn't break, and the tip of my dick had left him by the time I started spurting. There is no risk of my fantasy becoming a reality. 

I feel weird, sad, and uncomfortable. Why did I get off to that, when doing that has made me feel so miserable? I'd say this is in one of the top 10 worst post-orgasm feels ever. 

Shaking my head, I pull back from Seiji, giving him room to roll over, and tie the condom up and roll it up in a tissue before tossing it in the bin. I flop down next to him, giving myself a minute to come off of this buzzy, overstimulated feeling coursing through my veins before asking for hugs, but that opportunity doesn't come. To my dismay, Seiji sits up, then stands, then starts putting on his pants. I blink and sit up myself. Extremely quickly, he goes to the bathroom, pees, washes his hands, and goes to grab his coat and scarf. "Are you leaving me already?" I'm genuinely hurt. I really thought that this might be more than just a booty call, like I'm used to with some of my ex partners, but I guess that might have been too optimistic. 

He sighs. "Relax. I'm not leaving. I just need a smoke." 

My ego still feels bruised. "Can I come with you?" This is never something I've asked before, although I guess I never had the opportunity to ask for a post-coital smoke with him before. Or with anyone. I've never smoked. 

Seiji blinks, and then chuckles good-naturedly. "Sure."


	2. Chapter 2

All the clouds have peeled back in the night sky, revealing the moon and a few stars not covered by light pollution. I open up the door to the roof and Seiji walks out onto it. "It's pretty," he says noncommittally, and pulls out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his jacket pocket. 

"Better than earlier at least." I stand next to him, leaning over the balcony, staring at all the familiar buildings of my neighborhood, as he lights up and starts smoking. I look over at him. "Gimme one."

He blinks. "You've never asked for one before."

"I wanna try." 

Seiji shrugs and hands me his lit one. I take it, turn it over in my fingers, and put it against my lips. "Hold on." He's pulled out another cig and leans into me, and, looking completely calm and collected, touches the ends of our cigarettes together and breathes in, the ends of both of ours glowing red. I can't believe how cool he is. Maybe this will make me look cool, too? I've watched him do this a million times, so I think I know what I'm doing. I inhale, deeply... and immediately start coughing and sputtering. That doesn't feel good. I don't see how anyone could find the feeling of smoke in your body relaxing! Seiji laughs without malice. "Don't breathe it into your lungs. Just your mouth." 

I cough, holding the cigarette away from my mouth for a minute. "Kay." I do as he recommends, and it's less terrible. "Still not very good." I get back down and lean over the balcony, pressing my weight into the metal. 

"I know." Seiji places one hand on the balcony, next to my elbow. We stare out at the city in a pregnant silence. 

"So..." I start after a couple of minutes, since this has been bothering me. "It's over, and you never told me why." 

"Hm?" Seiji taps some of the ashes onto his portable ash tray, and offers for me to do the same. 

"Why you were afraid, that time." He looks confused. "Remember? You said you wanted to figure out what you were doing before we talked about it. It's over, so..."

A sudden understanding flashes in his eyes. "Ah. Yes. That." He sighs and takes in a long drag, breathing out through the side of his mouth. "I was afraid of things changing. I had hoped that they wouldn't, but it seems as if it is too late for that now." 

"Huh." I mull that over, swirling thoughts like the smoke in my mouth. I was scared of that, too. All I wanted was to be best friends with Seiji, always, even though a primal part of me knew that I wanted him in ways more than that as well. I always viewed him as a friend first... or at least I have for a very long time. "This entire thing has been scary, I guess. But there was probably no way for everything to stay the same." 

"Most likely not." 

It's surprisingly still tonight, maybe because most of the people partying are downtown still. The night is young for college kids like me. Well. Like me, but unlike me. I feel - not older, but a lot more world-weary after the past couple of months, despite all the shit I've been through as a kid not getting to me much. Then again, maybe this too will pass. I rub my head and grimace. It's a complicated feeling, because I never want to forget this pain. Maybe this too will become a bad memory someday. That thought doesn't give me the comfort that it should. 

"It was wrong of me to not check in on you. I'm sorry." 

I blink and look over at Seiji, who is staring straight ahead, unmoving. "It's fine. It's not like I could have expected you to comfort me through this, anyway. It's my fault that it even happened. Not your job to take care of me." I know all of this is true, but it does make me feel a little better that Seiji feels guilty over not reaching out. It really _wasn't_ his job to comfort me over me being upset that choosing to fuck him instead of hurting myself caused me to get hurt anyway. He still had to bear the brunt of the physical pain. 

Seiji seems displeased by this. "I shouldn't have left my dearest and oldest friend to suffer alone." 

I wave my hand around nonchalantly. "You had your own pain to deal with, I get it." He smokes, seemingly to mask his discomfort. "You seem to be doing good." 

He snorts. "I wonder." 

I glance at his cigarette, almost down to the filter, then back at him. "I was surprised you started smoking again."

"I'm surprised that you're smoking with me."

"Hm, true enough." 

He rolls the filter back and forth between his fingers. "I should stop doing this," he says to himself. 

"What, smoking or fucking me?" 

Seiji gives me a sidelong glance and my heart jumps out of my stomach and into my throat. "I hope not having sex with you. I've been enjoying that." 

"Oh..." 

I stare down at the city below me. "You don't seem as enthusiastic at the proposition as I was expecting," Seiji says nervously. 

"No, I like having sex with you too, it's just... scary." I think about what I thought about when I came, and guilt roils in my stomach. I _don't_ want to do that again. I can't deal with the emotional anguish and suffering that comes from losing a baby a second time. But I want to have kids, and Seiji said he wasn't sure... 

Seiji makes a small affirmative sound. "I can understand. But you were very careful. As long as we remain this way, there should be no problems." He puts his hand over mine. "At least until we're ready." 

My eyes widen and I stare up at him. He's smiling, his cigarette put out. The butt of my cigarette falls out of my hand and onto the pavement below. "U-until we're ready?" 

The man in front of me leans forward. "Like we've said... we can no longer have the sort of relationship we had before the summer. It was inevitable." He strokes my hair, and I lean into his touch, needy now that he's caressing me. "I still want to be with you. Always." 

I close my eyes and nuzzle his hand. "That sounds nice." 

"So this makes sense." He pulls his hand away and I open my eyes to see him start to come closer. I shut my eyes as we kiss. It does make sense. It does feel good. I pull him against me, in a hug that is more than friendship but less than sexual, and he hugs me back. It's cold and clear outside, but Seiji is warmer than the cold and more crystal than anything. 

After a minute, I pull away, my heart beating hard but rhythmic in my chest. "Sounds good," I tell him. "I'd like that." 

"Ah," Seiji says, as if remembering something. He fishes in his pocket. "Here. Happy birthday." 

Oh... I forgot myself. It's past midnight, so I guess today's the day, huh. I take the small black jewelry box from his hand and raise an eyebrow, looking back at him. "I don't know if I can accept this. It's a little too fast even for me!"

He shakes his head. "It's not an engagement ring. Look at it." 

I open the box. Inside, there is a necklace. The material is a black cord, similar to the necklace I wear in the summer. In the center, there's a circular pendant. I don't know a whole lot about jewelry, but I think it's silver. Jeez, Seiji shouldn't have... There's no message written on the outside... I turn it on its side and read the hidden inscription. 

_SETSUNA - OCTOBER 14, 2016_

I can't hold back the tears, even though I want to. It's so terrible to cry over something that's already dead and gone. "Hahh..." Immediately, I pull it out of its packaging and put it on, pulling it over my head, sniffling pitifully. I'm both incredibly grateful and heartbroken. The pendant rests on my chest, close to my heart. Every detail. He's almost too meticulous, it's scary. None of his girlfriends should have ever dumped him. I grasp him in a bear hug, clinging to him, as I start weeping. This is so much more than I deserve, and yet there's a bittersweet longing as well. I miss them. It hurts. But I'm so happy that Seiji gave this to me, so they can be near me always. 

"I love you." Seiji's voice is a calm in the storm. 

"I always thought I'd tell you first," I tell him, my voice full of snot. 

"Hey, take it slow." He pats my back. 

"Can we? Really?" I half-sob, half-laugh. 

He chuckles. "Maybe not." 

"I love you too, then." 

The wind around us picks up, but two firm, warm lips on my forehead keep me grounded, as always, as it will be until the day I die.


End file.
